I've tried blogging before, like not for my business, but just for fun. It was probably about 10 or so years ago, maybe longer. Funny thing is that you can still find it if you look far enough back in google. My newer ventures fill up the first few pages. It was all about my experiences with homeschooling and running a hotel- done at the same time, mind you.
I know people who blog for a living and I always found it interesting. I am a writer, perhaps not a great one, but a writer nonetheless. When I was in about fifth grade, my best friend Veronica and I co-authored Charlie, his Five Sisters, and a Chocolate Bar. I still have the notebook that we passed back and forth for months stored safely in my hope chest.
My mom's a great writer. She's actually the editor of a newspaper and writing has always been her passion. She started a family newspaper when she was in grade school, was the editor of her high school newspaper, wrote for a number of papers in her late teens and early 20s, then took a break from it all as she raised three, almost four, kids.
When my sister was born, I was 16 and I'm not going to get into it right now but when she was about seven or so, my mom decided to go back to the job force, taking up her dream job as the editor of a small, local newspaper. She was and still is perfect for the job and vice-versa, the job is perfect for her! She's still there over twenty years later and has become somewhat of a celebrity in my hometown.
I, on the other hand, used my writing skills to get As and Bs on college essays, in my short stint as a homeschool/hotel blogger, and starting and never finishing various novels, including Charlie and a self-help book that I'm into about 12,000 words. I started that about half a year ago but also haven't looked at it in a few months. Oh and I also write in my personal journal almost every morning and now that I have a business, I write social media posts, show notes, and a "blog" that as I recently found out doesn't really meet the definition of a blog!
This attempt won't meet the definition either as I have no idea if I'll have any subscribers, affiliate links, or even any links period. I'm not really concerned about SEO either. In fact, this blog or whatever you call it isn't for my business which might confuse you given that I'm calling it "Confessions of a Super-Mom" and my business, Moms Without Capes, is all about stepping out of the Super-Mom persona!
Here's the thing. I am my own ideal client. For those of you who aren't familiar with entrepreneurship or what that means- an ideal client- it means that I am exactly who I want to work with. Well, maybe not exactly, I have about a 40% edge. I want to work with who I was about 10 years ago, which is a mom who struggles with guilt every time she thinks about taking a break.
That was me. Now I take the break. But for a long time, I held on tight to my cape. I was under the impression that I had to do it all and that no one could do a job as well as I could. I had to be the enforcer, the mean mom who couldn't let her kids play video games or watch too much television. I am ashamed to admit that I made my husband return a Wii console that my in-laws surprised us with one Christmas. I did though.
When we moved to Montana, my mother-in-law wanted to take the kids for a weekend and I couldn't let her. I feared the worst. I don't know what I feared but I think I didn't want to let go of control. My poor kids! I would hide in the bathroom just to get a moment's peace yet I wouldn't let my kids go with their grandmother. And my MIL is kind and generous and would never let anything happen to them. It was just me being a control freak and thinking that no one could do as good a job as me.
If I keep this blog going, I'm sure there will be more that comes out. But for now, know that I am writing this blog because there might be others who read it and recognize something about themselves. My 40% edge is the fact that I have minimized the guilt I feel and now take breaks as needed, even so far as I am writing this on a solo-cation down in Florida as my family carries on in Montana.
I'm learning how to ask for help, not as much as I want to be asking, but more than I have in the past. I've learned to let go of perfectionism for the most part. I've also become more aware of any people-pleasing behaviors and can pretty much stop them before I say yes to too many things. I talk to myself much kinder these days and have way more compassion towards myself than I did years ago.
The biggest change that has happened is that I am intentional about making time for myself. I want my daughters to understand that they don't have to sacrifice their identity for any man or the children they bear. I want my son to realize that if he chooses to take a wife, that she is still a woman under her mom-hat. I did lose myself when I got married which was within six months of me becoming a mom. I'm sure you'll learn more about this as well if I continue with this blog series.
So, I might have a 40% edge, but I'm still a Super-Mom who's working to hang up her cape. I can see what waits for me once I do and I want that. I want to be able to be fully present with my kids. I want a better relationship with my husband. I want to be more myself and not feel like I have to put up some front because I fear losing it all if I show the real me. I want to be a better mom, sister, daughter, wife. The only way I know how to do all that is to hang up my cape and let the real me shine through.
I'm tired of trying to be Super-Mom all the time. It's damn exhausting. If you're reading this and you want to come along on my journey, let me know you're here. I don't think you can comment under this post (I suppose if it was a real blog, I'd have a comment section) so just send me an email or something. [email protected] I'm gonna try to stick to it either way but maybe if I know someone is actually reading it, I'll figure out how to get a comment section up and running!