[00:00:00]
Speaker 1: Today, we are going to be talking about stepping up and setting boundaries. I've done other videos and podcast episodes about boundaries, but the reason I wanted to come on today... Because I can't ever stress it. And for a long time, I did not know what boundaries were. I guess I didn't really know the word of it. I had some, but they were very fluid. They weren't anything that they kept me feeling underappreciated and like a doormat. That's what boundaries do. When you don't have them, it can really lead to a lot of situations or a lot of uneasiness in your life. We often think of boundaries as these strict lines in the dirt that we can't cross or that others can't cross. And really what boundaries do is it allows for healthier relationships. And so today I wanted to talk again about the importance of boundaries and share a little bit about how to set them and how to communicate them and how to know when you need to step up and set some boundaries. Setting boundaries involves creating and maintaining a healthy relationship with yourself and others by setting limits and expectations. I should have done a little bit of...
[00:01:31]
Speaker 1: I should have wrote down because I do have past podcast episodes and lives that I've done about boundaries, as I mentioned. So maybe afterwards, I'll put some in the show notes and in the comments section. I'll go back and reference a few. Because the first one I want to reference is because I just shared with you about yourself, I have Honor Your Boundaries, and that is all about tapping into your integrity and doing what you say you're going to do and setting some limits around your own behaviors. But today we're going to talk about setting boundaries around others or in regards to others. Setting boundaries can help us have healthier relationships, have more control over our own lives, and can reduce stress and anxiety. A few weeks ago, I did the stress less super mom master class, and we talked a bit about boundaries and how we can create these lines. It really is just to protect ourselves and to allow others... What am I trying to say? I feel like I'm tripping over my words this morning. We teach others how we want to be treated with the boundaries that we set. By letting others know how we expect to be treated, it allows others to know how to treat us.
[00:03:08]
Speaker 1: When we don't have boundaries, we end up getting treated like trash. We end up getting treated... That's where we feel unappreciated. We feel like we're stretched thin because we haven't learned what it means to put limits on around ourselves. Some signs that may come up or some signs that mean you need to step up and set boundaries include when you're feeling overwhelmed, when you're feeling stretched, thin, or like pulled tight like a rubber band, and you feel like you can't get on solid ground. If you're feeling exhausted, more days than not, where you feel like your to do list is a mile long, you're constantly feeling like you can't keep up, you're feeling over committed. These are all signs that you need to step up and set some boundaries. If you're feeling burned out, you're just feeling like you want to escape. You're just tired of hearing mom, mom, mom. I actually, I'm going to share a little bit of something that's going on in my life right now. My nine year old is giving us the hardest time. This is the hardest time that she's ever given us about going to school. And she just does not like school.
[00:04:45]
Speaker 1: It has been a battle for the past three weeks and to the point where she was threatening, like that she was going to hurt herself. S he won't share what happened at school. She says it's like a jail. She has a few friends. And even I've been in touch with the counselor at school and the counselor is saying how she was out. She'd be talking to her in conversation in the hallway, just checking in with her and stuff. And she's telling... Gianna is telling the counselor how she doesn't have any friends. And at the same time, a girl would walk by and be like, Gianna, are you going to be at recess today? So clearly she does have friends. So we are trying to get to the bottom of this. She's been begging to homeschool. I even started a sticker chart with her. Now, granted, she's nine years old, but I am with her personal counselor because I have a lot of my kids in counseling because I feel like that extra support definitely is... Being a counselor myself, I am a huge advocate of counseling, so don't be surprised that my kids are in counseling.
[00:05:56]
Speaker 1: My mom's always like, Why are all the kids in counseling? I'm like, Because I feel like it does take a village, and I love having that extra support to help with their mental health. But anyway, her counselor was like, Let's try a sticker chart, because even though it's very juvenile, we use sticker charts when she was potty training, but we're out of options. I'm like, I don't know how to get this kid to school. She's resorted to temper tantrums. We've tried different coping skills, different techniques, different strategies to get her to talk and to calm down and to self soothe and all of these things. And it starts the night before and we just can't get to the bottom of what is going on. Anyway, so I share that because I was feeling just worn out last night. I was feeling irritable. I was feeling just over taxed because this girl has been really on my last nerve for the past three weeks. It has gotten to the point where it's just whining and crying, and we're only trying to get her past day one. Now, fingers crossed. This morning she got up. I did have to dress her, which is something that's new in the past three weeks, but I got her dressed.
[00:07:25]
Speaker 1: She got up, she sat by the fireplace, she ate her breakfast. She did not say, I don't want to go to school. And so right now we're working towards a fun movie night. That was her first day one movie night. And then, of course, we stretch it out three days a week, she gets another prize or whatever. But she's been trying to work on this first day or first prize for weeks now. Well, about a week. And every day she resorts to whining and crying so she doesn't get the sticker. So today, this morning, she did really well. So I'm keeping my fingers crossed. But last night I was almost at my breaking point. It was 10 30, she was crying and I was like, we have to get to sleep. I knew I was coming on here to do live. I have clients to see today, podcast interviews. She had school. We had a lot of things going on today and I'm like, I need to get to sleep. We need to get to sleep. I had to pull in some coping skills, like, how do I deal with this? Setting boundaries was a huge one because I had to teach her how I wanted to be treated.
[00:08:38]
Speaker 1: I had to create and model boundaries so that she knew what to expect. I had to create certainty. And that's exactly what, whether you're doing it with your kids, with your spouse, with your friends, with the community, with the moms or the parents of your friends, kids, friends. Every relationship that you are in, it is essential to set up boundaries. And you need to step up and protect yourself with these boundaries for your emotional, physical and mental health. It's like that speaking of the same nine year old brought home a paper yesterday from school counseling all about personal space and the importance of it and they give different scenarios and stuff. So we started looking over it and she's learning it as a young person and we learned it as well. But oftentimes we let those boundaries fall as adults helps because we have some people pleasing tendencies. Sound familiar? Right. And so we let those boundaries go because we want to please, we want to make people happy. We have this natural tendency and it becomes wors and wors until you feel like, where am I? You've lost yourself. You've given so much of yourself that you've lost who you are.
[00:10:09]
Speaker 1: It is essential, again, to set up those boundaries. The first thing is to do when you're setting up boundaries is to recognize that you need them, but then identify what you need and what you want. Do you need space? Do you need time? Do you need some time in your day to actually think? Are you so over taxed or over committed that you're not giving yourself that time? Do you need space? Do you recognize like that you thrive better when you have some alone time during the day or maybe before your kids wake up, giving yourself that space? Do you recognize that perhaps you need boundaries around your finances? You spend a lot of money or you're always living paycheck to paycheck. Do you need some boundaries around that? Do you need some boundaries around your spouse? Knowing when you need help. I talked last week about help and I know I'm using that and it hurts me to say help, but like that back and forth thing, what do you need? It's really stopping and asking yourself, what do I need right now in the moment to make me feel whole? And then communicating that to others.
[00:11:44]
Speaker 1: I have done another episode all about communicating your boundaries, which I'm not sure what number that is, but I will go ahead and link to that in the comments and in the show notes. But communicating your boundaries, being assertive and direct, clear and concise, and really helping others understand what it is that you need and want and learning how to ask for it. And then recognizing or realizing that when you are new to setting boundaries, there's going to be push back. Sometimes the push back is worse. When you're trying to be strong or you're trying to set these boundaries, people are going to push back. People aren't used to you having boundaries, let's face it. And so when you start recognizing like, hey, I need to set these limits, there's going to be some tension. People are going to push back. But it's important to remain firm and consistent in order to maintain your boundaries. They will start responding accordingly, but it's up to you. Change only happens with you. It starts with you. And so you will need to know that it's going to happen. There's going to be pushbacks, push back, but you are important.
[00:13:07]
Speaker 1: These boundaries are important and they will serve you. Just to summarize, setting boundaries can help you create healthier relationships, have more control over your life, and reduce the stress and anxiety that you're experiencing. It's a proven fact. There's a lot of studies on boundaries. There's lots of books that are written. There have been people like myself who have realized that once you start setting boundaries, these things happen. Your stress is reduced. Your mental health is improved. Your physical health, your mental health, there's so many positive things that happen when you start setting boundaries, so don't be afraid to do it. Don't be afraid. My Super Mom detox coaching program, we talk a lot about boundaries because it's weaved in and out of all of the different things that we cover during the program. And you know how most importantly, it's about changing the way you feel about yourself and recognizing that you are important, you matter. With that, it's almost like you'll feel better and you'll feel more able to set up those boundaries, to allow yourself to be able to have better relationships. With practice and patience, setting boundaries can be an effective way.
[00:14:40]
Speaker 1: It's an effective way, but it's also an essential way to create better relationships. So if you are interested in setting up a call and chatting with me about how I can help you set up better boundaries along with all of the other things that we cover in the Super Mom detox, schedule a call with me, momto. Capes. Com love yourself, and let's talk. I want to hear about where you're struggling with as far as setting boundaries, taking off your super mom cape, people pleasing perfectionism, unrealistic expectations, all the things. What's keeping you in this perpetual state of overwhelm? Let's talk about how I can serve you and help you decrease that overwhelm and get back to you reclaiming your sense of self. The link to that will be in today's show notes and also in the comments section under this video. Let me know your biggest takeaways. It didn't look like anyone joined us live. Let me just double check. Okay, yeah, it doesn't look like anyone joined us live. So if you're watching this in replay, #replay, let me know any questions you have, any comments, all that jazz. I hope that you have a great Thursday.
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Speaker 1: Oh, wait, one more thing. I also want to mention, today I opened up registration for my Sleep Matters Master class. And you'll see some posts about it over the next few weeks. And if you're on my email list, you'll receive an email about it. But the Sleep Matters workshop, I've done it before, it is a two hour workshop, so it's a pretty substantial chunk of time. It's a commitment, but you will learn so much. What this is is I take my counselor hat, what I've done in my counselor hat, being in my treatment of insomia and in my own research and readings, and I developed an entire workshop for mothers who cannot catch a good night's sleep. So seasoned moms, not moms of Newborns because that's a whole different season and that has to do with the fact that your kid's not sleeping or your baby's not sleeping. So if you are a mom with, let's say, preschool age children and above, and you struggle to fall asleep or stay asleep, you're tossing and turning, maybe you resort to playing on your phone or watching television or just zoning out staring at the ceiling. If you struggle with any of this, racing mind, not being able to calm yourself down, come to the Master class.
[00:17:20]
Speaker 1: It's an amazing class. Well, if I do say so myself, but it really is. I have packed a lot of information in it and I want to help you improve the quantity and the quality of your sleep. Sign up. I'll put the link to that as well in the comments section and in the show notes. You'll also be seeing here in the group, you'll also be seeing lots of posts about it. That's it for today and I hope that you have a great Thursday. Take care, everyone.
