Today's topic, how negative self-talk affects us, I think is really important. I talk about the inner mean girl and the things that we say to ourselves matter, words matter. We tend to be our own worst critic. And so that negative self-talk is prevalentant. It can really keep us playing small. And so today I wanted to talk about some of the other effects of negative self-talk. And then towards the end, I'll give you some ideas of ways that you can challenge her or quiet the inner mean girl, as I like to say, because we want to play bigger, right? We want to not have our self-doubts hold us back. There's no way to completely shut her up. There isn't. We have this negativity bias where it keeps us safe, it keeps us comfortable, and it keeps us alive. There's no way to shut her up completely. There's always going to be new challenges in life. There's going to be new things that you come across or that you come to in your journey. Every time that happens, we want to build your confidence. But that in our mean girl or that self-talk, it's going to keep coming up, but I'm going to teach you ways to be able to shut her down a lot quicker.
I say her, the inner mean girl, the self-critical talk, the self-criticism that you may tend to do. What is negative thinking or what is negative self-talk? It's those negative thoughts. Again, it's a common part of human experience. It's not something that we can completely get rid of, but it's very common. But when you have excessive or persistent negative thinking or negative self-talk, it can be a symptom of a deeper mental health issue. Like I said, we have this negativity bias. We have... It's a psychological phenomenon where people tend to give more attention and wait to negative information and experiences compared to positive one. Because like I said, it keeps us safe if we're being chased back to bring it back to evolution, back in the caveman days. We want to be aware of our surroundings. We're constantly thinking of the threats that are like what's posing a threat to our survival. That's a good thing. But as we've come to modern times, there's things that we continue to feel stressed about because I'm actually doing an entire stress workshop here in a couple of weeks. Actually, it's next week. But it's all about stress because we have this proclivity or we have this focus on the negative things because it's kept us alive and we continue to do it to this day.
It's evolved as a survival mechanism. We're paying more attention to the potential threats or the dangers in the environment. It was essential for early human survival, and it continues to be essential for our survival. The threats are just different. We don't have sabertooth tigers chasing us these days, but we have traffic, and we have deadlines, and we have these things that provide, put pressure on us. And so the negative self-talk, it keeps us, I wouldn't say it keeps moving forward, but that definitely does help us survive. And so we want to learn how to quiet that in a mean girl talk and that self-talk so that we can surpass that to overcome and continue doing what we want to be doing, living our dreams. There are certain triggers that you may have noticed that in a mean girl is even louder. Where we talk to ourselves even more negatively. Stress. I mentioned the pressure of deadlines and traffic. When we are under pressure, we may interpret those situations more negatively, or we may even catastrophize those potential outcomes. Have you ever said what if? Like the worst-case scenario, that's usually what our minds go to.
But I want you to challenge that. We'll get into that. But what can you be speaking? When we are challenging that negative self-talk, we're introducing self-compassion and kindness. We're learning to talk to ourselves like we would a dear friend and learning to be our biggest cheerleader rather than our worst critic. But when you feel stressed, you may tend to go to that worst-case scenario. And what if I don't do it? What if I don't get that thing in time? What if I... What happens if... I can never think of examples under pressure. But what happens if the worst thing happens? You go down that rabbit hole. And so that tends to happen when you're feeling more stressed. Past trauma can be a trigger for those negative self-talk, for the negative self-talk. Experience of trauma or past negative events can lead to intrusive negative thinking. Traumatic memories can resurface and trigger negative thinking patterns. Relationship issues. When you're feeling conflict or you're having difficulty in your relationships, whether with partners, with parents, family members or friends, this can trigger a lot of negative thoughts, not just about yourself, but also others. So being aware that if you're having relationship issues, you need to get a handle on these negative thoughts, which is another reason why it's important to learn how to challenge the negative or the inner mean girl.
Socially comparing yourself. Yourself. Right here. Instagram, Facebook, TikToks. Even if it's unconsciously comparing yourself with others, it may trigger a lot of negative thoughts, thinking maybe feelings of jealousy or feelings of not enough. It could trigger some insecurities about yourself that not being enough. It's important to be aware of that and seeing like, How is this affecting me? Am I feeling like less than after I start watching Instagram reels, for instance? How can you separate yourself from that? Because it can really trigger those feelings of inadequacy and a negative self-perception. Perfectionism. Setting unrealistic high standards for yourself and then not meeting them can lead to self-criticism and negative thinking. So being aware of if you're struggling with perfectionism and it may not be that obvious to you, but taking that step back and saying, Are my expectations too high? I've done lots of Facebook lives, and our challenge, I've talked about it, is that idea of a good mom. What is your definition? If you're setting these super high, that you have to do it all, you have to be it all, you have to take care of everyone and everything and have that control, then it's unrealistic to expect yourself to do that.
But yet you hold yourself to this high ideal and then you end up feeling in regret. You feel like you're not measuring up to those expectations that you're making. It can really, self-talk can really lean towards that negative thing, like you're not good enough. Isolation and loneliness. Feeling isolated or lonely can lead to negative... Can we talk? Can lead to negative thoughts about one's social worth and belonging. It's important we grow by being in a community, by being with other people. If you're feeling that loneliness, it can really perpetuate the negative thought cycles. Then low self-esteem. If you have low self-esteem, you're more prone to negative thinking about yourself and your abilities. Maybe doing some work on fostering and building your self-esteem can help to reduce the negative thoughts that you're having. How does negative self-talk? If you have any questions about that, let me know in the comments section. Let me know #replayif you're watching the replay, if you're watching live, let me know. Do you struggle with any of those? Do you struggle with perfectionism or stress? Have you noticed that when any of these are happening, that you tend to have more negative thoughts?
What are the negative thoughts that you've been having? Is it that you're not good enough? Is it that you're failing as a mom or in your profession? Be honest. Take an honest look at what is going on. If you don't feel comfortable saying it in the comments, I get it. But let me know if any of these triggers, if you've noticed that when these triggers happen, if you tend to have more negative thoughts. Healthy thinking does not mean avoiding all negative thoughts or emotions. It's totally natural to have negative thoughts from time to time. The key is how you respond to them. That you don't let them drag on or you don't ruminate or that you don't go down that rabbit hole or the thought cycle. You want to like a spiral argument, you want to be more proactive and recognize, identify what are those thoughts, and then work through the process to actually challenge them and reframe them in a healthier way. Negative thinking can come across as that pessimistic perspective, like nothing's ever going to go right. Things are always going to be that, self-criticism, self-blame, blaming yourself when you back up. You say, You know what?
There's other factors in play here. I'm not the only one to blame or I'm not to blame here. But when you fall into that pattern of constantly self-blaming, that's when it's time to step back and take a look at what's going on here. Catastrophizing, that worst-case scenario, constantly going to that, the what ifs, ruminating, all or nothing thinking. Things are always terrible. Nothing good ever happens to me. A lot of that all or nothing thinking and not looking at the gray area. Then there's self-doubts. I'm not going to be able to do it. I can't do this. Maybe you're thinking of starting a business and you're like, All of those self-doubts, everyone's already doing it. I'm not going to be good enough. Those can really cause a problem and keep you playing small. Now, healthy thinking would be just that opposite. Having a realistic perspective. Sure. Let's go back to that starting business thing. Sure, it's going to be hard, but knowing that you can figure it out, not letting that worst-case scenario hold you back and saying, Well, what's the worst that could happen? And letting that play to the end. And then what?
And then what? And then what? Then ultimately knowing that you're going to be okay. Let me just do a little side note here. One of the things that happens when we do the worst-case scenario is we forget to factor in ourselves. Usually, it would never get to that very worst scenario that you're imagining because you have the intelligence to stop it, to recognize like, Oh, let me do something different and let me intervene. So when we're thinking in that worst-case scenario, we don't factor ourselves in. So I want you to factor yourself in. Likely, it would never get to that worst-case scenario because you would have put the brakes on it and turned it around way before that. But problem-solving, practicing mindfulness, these are all things that turn that negative thinking around or characterize healthier thinking rather than that negative thinking. Introducing self-compassion, and I mentioned about what would a friend do? How can you talk to yourself with more compassion and kindness in a way that you would tell or the way you talk to a loved one or a friend? This whole vibe is about the impact of negative self-talk. Let's talk about some of the consequences of always having these negative thoughts.
One is increased stress. Not only does stress trigger those negative thoughts, but it also creates more stress. It leads to chronic stress where you're constantly worrying about potential problems, catastrophizing outcomes, and dwelling on those negative events. It can have detrimental effects on your mental and physical health. The other day I went to a training on inflammation. Super interesting. I wanted it to be more... I thought it was going to be more about the effect of inflammation on our mental health, like on depression, anxiety, because I know that it definitely influences it. But it was more just on the general health and a lot of, not a lot of it, but quite a big portion of the training had to do with stress and how that creates more inflammation. That more information creates more stress on your body rate. It's like that cycle. It's the same thing here. The stress can trigger your negative thoughts, but then it also can create that chronic stress, which creates having anxiety. Negative thinking is closely linked to anxiety disorders. Excess of worrying, anticipating negative outcomes, and irrational fears can contribute to heightened anxiety levels. So if you are struggling with anxiety, you definitely want to get a handle on your negative thinking.
It can also lead to depression. Persistent feelings of hopelessness, low self-esteem, and a negative view of the future are hallmark symptoms of depression. If you think that you have depression, then I advise you to get professional help. Go see a therapist, go do something. There's lots of modalities that can help, not just therapy, but of course, I'm a therapist, so I'm going to recommend that. But there's lots of modalities that can help you overcome that depression. Low self-esteem, negative self-talk, self-criticism. Imagine telling your child. The things that you're telling yourself in your mind, telling your child that, you guys aren't going to do that, but it can definitely erode the self-esteem of a child. It's definitely doing the same to you. And so when you're engaging in that negative thinking, it often results in having a poor self-image, self-esteem, lack of confidence in in yourself. And then reduced resilience. It can impair your ability to bounce back from setbacks and challenges. It can lead to a sense of helplessness and an inability to cope effectively. I already mentioned the stress that it causes on your body and it can affect your mental health, but it also can affect your physical health.
Stress is linked to cardiovascular disease, high blood pressure, weakened immune system, and just getting sick more often. So it's good to get a handle and start managing those negative thoughts. And then finally, it can affect your relationships. You're constantly telling yourself, being critical and telling yourself these things that you can't do it, that you're not worthy or you know I'm all about making time for yourself in this group. So if you're constantly telling yourself there's other things more important than me, whether you're consciously telling this or not, like just the way you're spending your time and other people's time is more important than my time and all of these things that you're telling yourself, it's going to affect your relationships because you're going to feel like you're less than you can project your negative thoughts onto others, and it can definitely lead to conflicts and misunderstandings and just have this negative effect on your relationship. Again, all of these reasons are reasons why it's so important to get a handle and start managing your negative thoughts. How can you? We know how it's affecting us. It's affecting us physically, mentally, emotionally, our relationships. It has a profound effect, these negative thoughts.
I want to offer you some tips on how to reduce the negative thinking. One is just taking a step back. I know that your days are full, but doing some self-check-ins to become more self-aware of your thoughts and your emotions and your behaviors. Taking that step back, whether you do some journaling, whether you just do some meditative, just thinking, giving yourself that space, start with five minutes, maybe before you go to sleep or in that early morning. What am I feeling right now? Where is that feeling showing? Where's that emotion showing up in my body? Maybe you're feeling tense in your shoulders or you're feeling heavy, or maybe you have a bit of a headache. I want you to get curious about what is going on in your body and in your mind and in your heart. Feelings aren't just felt in your heart. They're felt all over your body. I want you to start noticing that, so becoming more self-aware. I'm going to give you a thought diary. This is something you can go ahead and I'll give you the diary. Just let me know in the comments if you want to. Actually, this is how it'll work.
I'm like, how am I going to get this deal? Okay, let me know. Just put the word diary in the comments, and I will message you and send you the thought diary, which is going to help you get organized. What are you thinking? What are you feeling? How can we reframe that and introduce self-compassion and start getting away from those negative thoughts? It's going to help you to start noticing those mood shifts because our thoughts are influencing the way you feel. When you start shifting the mood, when you start feeling a little bit frustrated or irritated or angry or whatever that mood shifts to, that is those moments that I want you to say, What was the thought? The negative thoughts that are fueling. A lot of times, a lot of our thoughts are negative thoughts are automatic. They're based on the beliefs that are totally ingrained in your mind. You tend to feel but not realize that those thoughts are actually fueling or contributing to the way you feel. We want to create some distance between the situation and the feeling to be able to identify what is the thought that you're having, because then we can start shifting that thought.
This thought diary is going to help you do that. Seeking support from friends, family, therapist, some professionals. My background is Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, so that's exactly what we do. We look at the negative thoughts and the behaviors that you're experiencing so that we can start shifting them and changing them. Then that ultimately changes not just how you feel, but your whole life. Then actively going against those thoughts. Taking action that is contrary to what you're thinking. Think like, I can't do this. I want you to take action to do it. It could be a small action. It's something that's going to get you out of that comfort zone. Practicing self-care when you don't feel like it, when you don't have it in you. I've done other Facebook lives and podcast episodes about motivation, motivating yourself to do the thing that you want to do but can't seem to get to do. Sometimes just doing something little. Let me think. You say you wanted to lose weight, you feel like that's it. But this constant self-critical, like you'll never do it, and what is holding you back. Those self-doubts start coming. I want you to put your sneakers on.
Put your sneakers on and walk out the door. Do something that's going to be contrary to what your thoughts are and what their self-doubts. Prove yourself from it. But depends on what you want to do. I want you to just take action against it and practice self-care. Do something for yourself because you are 100% responsible for your own life and your own happiness. Just because you are your own worst critic doesn't mean that you cannot also be your own best cheerleader. Let's let's make that change. If you have any questions about this or you're struggling with this, let me know in the comments or send me a DM. Let's talk about this because it is so important to get it. Start managing those negative thoughts that you're having so that you can play bigger, you can live bigger. I wanted to mention the stressless super mom masterclass that I'm having on October fifth. If you're interested in that, momswithatcapes. Com/masterclass, it is going to be all about how to manage and reduce the stress in your life. We're going to bring in quite a bit of information. It's going to be a lot of information, but it's also going to be specific action steps that we're going to work together to come up with.
It's very interactive, this Masterclass. Last time I did it, it's in a Zoom call. It's very interactive. Don't think it's going to be me on a webinar. Just talking and talking and talking. It's not. Sign up for that. I think the cost is $47 or 49 bucks. I forget. But it's going to be worth every penny in them. If you have any questions about that, let me know that. Then also if you have any questions about this negative thinking, let me know. What are your thoughts? What needs to be challenged and how can you introduce self-compassion into them? That's it. I hope they all have a great Thursday or a great week, and I will see you in the group.
