[00:00:00.000] - Speaker 1
Instead of leaving 2023 with regrets, instead taking the time to look at our actions and our thoughts and our situation in 2023 and extract the lessons that we need to be learning. Because I have been doing… This morning when I was doing some reading, I'm reading… Well, I read like five books, but this book that I'm reading in the morning is Purpose-Driven Life by Rick Warren. I don't know if you ever heard of it, but in it was something that I read that was very applicable for today's life. It says, We are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it. Too often we end up living with regret and anger and doing all these things like that are resentment, having all these emotions and they keep us stuck. They keep us prisoners in our past. That's really the ultimate thing today. I want to just encourage you to take a look and instead of living in that regret, instead, what lessons can you learn? I want to start off by encouraging you to practice gratitude. We all know the power of gratitude. If you leave with nothing else, starting that practice of gratitude, it is self-care.
[00:01:29.000] - Speaker 1
I want to share with you some things that I am thankful for. I'm thankful for each and every one of you here in the moms at that Capes community. Without you, we would not have moms at that Capes. I love being here. I love serving you. I love whether you are coming to all of the events or you are a lurker. You don't engage much, but you're learning things. My favorite thing is when I hear, Christina, actually, you were somebody who ended up last Christmas. You called me. Last, not the Christmas, but when I was doing the self-care through the holidays master class, and you called me and you were like, I can't get on. I was like, Who is this lady? I was like, Oh, my gosh. You were like, I've been following you. You came into the class, you're like, I've been following you. I'm like, And I looked back, I'm like, You hardly engaged at all. I felt like you came out of the woodwork, but yet you were listening, you were learning, you were making changes to your life. And I love that because I always feel like, Is anyone even listening?
[00:02:36.010] - Speaker 1
And for a long time, nobody would come to my lives, nobody would even engage. And so I was constantly just left up in the air. I'm like, I love doing this. I'm going to continue doing it. I am thankful for each and every one of you in this community. I'm thankful for my family that they are alive and well that I was able... In 2023, I was able to visit my mom and my family and my friends all back east four times, which is the most that I've ever done since we moved here in 2009. Two of the times, well, one of the times was because my grandmother passed away. But I was able to, and I'll get into that in a second, but I was able to visit them and be back home or back east for four times, which was pretty exciting. I am thankful that I found FairPlay, which I've been talking about in the group quite a bit, and that is that system that helps create equity in the home or move you towards equity in regards of sharing the load, sharing the domestic and the child care responsibilities. When I read that book and got introduced to that, I was like, This is a game-changer.
[00:03:45.270] - Speaker 1
I decided to start implementing it in my home, so I'm thankful that I found that. Then I became certified as a facilitator so that I can help other moms implement that into their households. I'm thankful that I got to go to Hawaii. My second time, I haven't gone since high school, but we got to go to Hawaii on a big trip that was my in-law's 50th anniversary back in February. That was something that was super fun, got to bring the whole family and everything. I became more involved in my church, and I met some awesome people right here in my community. My word for 2022 was Connect, and that was my very first networking group that I've ever went to, like Event, and I was hooked. I love meeting people and learning what they're doing and getting connected with those people in my community. Those are just some of the things that I'm thankful for. Let me know in the comments, what are some things that you're thankful for? Those positive things that have happened through the year, through 2023? Let me know, what are you thankful for? I'm going to take a peek at the thing.
[00:04:49.150] - Speaker 1
The food shop is... I'm trying to get it done. I'm tired. I might just take a day or two, or I might have to just ask somebody. Your last day of school is today, class parties, gets for teachers. So many things to do before Christmas. Yes. Tgif, extracting lessons, gratitude. It has been a full year. And so let me know if you're watching this in replay. Christina, if you're still watching, let me know. What are you thankful for? What are something named? Even just one thing to express that gratitude. Now, those things that I'm thankful for, I'm also thankful for the challenges that have been placed on my lap. I'm thankful for getting through this year. You became more active in your church too, and you made a good friends. That's awesome, Christina. The challenges, it's easy to be thankful for those things that were good, those positive things. But we also need to be thankful for those challenges. There's things that have pushed us to grow. It is, I always say nothing that pushed us to grow. This past year I've had a few, and I want you to start thinking of what were those challenges that you grew through that if they weren't in your life, you may not have grown as much as you did.
[00:06:25.830] - Speaker 1
These are the things that I want you to be thankful for, but they might take a little bit more work to get it. I had a few speaking events, which I ended up really enjoying, but they were uncomfortable. I was nervous. I didn't know if I was going to say the right thing, and it's a lot of pressure. But it was through those things, I was able to even be on the radio here in Billings, the local radio, which was pretty cool. I joined some groups. I joined a group that works specifically on trauma. My friend would host it. It's on Fridays. In fact, I was getting the messages while I was here. I don't go every week, but I try to go at least once a month just to work on some things that have affected my life. Trauma is completely subjective. I feel that only the person themselves can say their event was traumatic or not. I decided to just check out this group, and I found that I got some things out of it. I decided to continue going there. One of the things that I did work on intentionally through this past year was vulnerability.
[00:07:36.060] - Speaker 1
I'm still a long way from being comfortable with being vulnerable, and I probably never will be comfortable being vulnerable, but I really tried to put myself out there, and their speaking events allowed me to do that. I joined another group online that was boundary setting for weight loss. That's something, a goal I had and I felt like my weight is more of a symptom of these other things, and so I started working with the naturopathic doctor, I joined this group trying to do the things to help heal me so that the weight does come off. But I felt like I didn't want to focus on the weight loss, like calories and then exercise. I wanted to get my head together, and I felt that the weight would come off by then. And it has been. It has been. Like I said, I've been practicing getting more vulnerable in social media and my relationships. I joined that group at work... Or not at work, at church, the T-group, which is like transformation is based on Henry Cloud and John Townsend. A lot of their work and their books. I applied for TEDx. It is one of my bucket list items to be on the TEDx stage.
[00:08:50.220] - Speaker 1
I applied again. This is my... What is it? My third time applying. Yeah, it's my third time applying. I heard there's like an average of five times or some crazy number, but I keep trying. This might be my year. I don't know. I've been working on my marriage. I've shared a little bit. I could probably share more, but I've shared a little bit about struggles within my marriage. I've been really... We're doing a masterclass. We've done a few masterclasses and doing some weekly and daily check-ins and just working on tuning up our marriage. Then the decision to homeschool my daughter, that was something that was uncomfortable and it was a challenge, but I felt like, All right, we've got this. What can I learn from that? Yes, Christina, agree that weight is a symptom. Yes. What challenges have you faced this past year? What challenges? Have you had some mental health issues? Maybe some sicknesses of your kids or yourself or your husband, maybe disability, like some physical health issues. Maybe you face some disappointment from unmet expectations. Maybe you too have had some problems in your marriage or dealing with loneliness, feeling like you're deprived of sleep, walking around like a zombie, thinking like, feeling like you just aren't functioning as much as you are able to or have been able to in the past.
[00:10:26.460] - Speaker 1
Have you been a victim of violence? Parenting solo? That is tough. That is really hard. Have you been crippled under the effects of the mental load? These are just some challenges that I'm trying to see what are some challenges that you may be faced with? But again, how can you grow? How can you take that lesson from these challenges and be thankful for that lesson? It is in overcoming these challenges, like living on autopilot and being crushed by life's challenges, that you can use them as a springboard to learn about yourself, your family, your relationships, and the world at large. Instead of just taking these challenges and living in regret, feeling resentment like that these challenges have come to you, have been thrown at you. Like switching that life happens to you to life happens for you. Making that shift can help you take those challenges and turn them into making lemonade out of lemon. Christina lost your job. It made you feel bad about yourself. But now you see it's a blessing in disguise. Sleep issues and menopause first felt lonely. Yes, lots of things, mental low. Yes. It is a process. You're right.
[00:11:54.320] - Speaker 1
But you can do hard things. I've encouraged you before, make a list of the hard things you've done in life, put it as a reminder. Whether you put it on your phone to look at, or you hang it in your room, hang it on your refrigerator, just that reminder, you can do hard things. And yes, taking these challenges and turning them into using them as a springboard for things that you can be thankful for, that is hard work. I'm not saying it's easy, but you've done hard things. You've absolutely done hard things. As I explored my past year and shared with others my story, I found that I had a lot of regrets, especially in that T group. I do a lot of the sharing in the T group that I'm in. I'm realizing I'm living with a lot more regrets than I want to be living. One of the things that I want to take from that, knowing that that's something that's holding me back, I want to intentionally work on accepting myself for who I am, the good and the bad and integrate. I encourage you as well. If you're struggling with feeling like you're living with shame.
[00:13:11.220] - Speaker 1
Shame, like I'm a failure, I did this, or I'm a failure, I'm not doing enough, or I'm not enough for my kids or my family or whatever that struggle is. Again, it's personal to you. Recognizing that you are good and bad. There is pieces of that within you. We need to learn to accept our strengths and our weaknesses and not just continually focus on our weaknesses and how we can improve them. You are where you are because of your experiences. But going back to that, we are products of our past, but we don't have to be prisoners of it. We don't. We don't have to let our past hold us back. And so recognizing that your past is exactly like it happened for you so that you can be who you are today. And even today, there's some things that are in your life that are probably pretty good, and there are some things that may not be so good. And knowing that those good things wouldn't be there had it not been for the past that you've lived. Knowing that in March, I cried a lot. I use the passion planner as my planner.
[00:14:37.890] - Speaker 1
I'm a paper pencil. I jot everything down. One of the cool things about this is at the end of the month, it gives a... Let me find it. It gives a little reflection spot. Then they ask some questions like, What was the most memorable part? What are the three biggest lessons you learned? I did it. I completed that most of the months. I thought that that was really good to look back. I use that to come up with today's thing because there's things like I was like, back in March, I don't have the greatest of memories. I'm like, I don't remember. But I looked back and I was like, You know what? I did cry a lot in March. But I also made more time for prayer and meditation because I needed to balance that out. I also learned not to sign kids up for things that I have to talk them into. Although I laughed when I looked at that because that was a lesson that I wrote back in March, and here I am. I just signed my kid up to do... I encourage her to do an audition. I feel like there's this fine line between encouraging them to try new skills because they'll never know their gifts unless they are in them, trying them, trying different things.
[00:15:59.850] - Speaker 1
But I have signed my kids up and it's been like torture for the entire semester, the entire time, season. That's something I'm still trying to figure out what is that like? Coming to terms... Okay, so another thing that I was dealing with... What did I sign her up for? When I looked back, I'm like, What did I even sign her up for? I know my 13-year-old, I signed her up for cross country, and that was like, pulling teeth every single time to bring her to that. I was like, Never again. All right, cross country is not her thing. Dang, she's a good runner. But it's not a thing. Oh, gymnastics. Okay, my nine-year-old just came, gymnastics. That was another thing that I dragged them to. I'm like, This is supposed to be fun. But coming to terms with my family visiting me in Montana. My family back east, my mom and my brothers and sister, they came once. That's something that's really hard. I worked a lot through that here in my T-groups and through journaling. I've done a lot of like, Why is this keeping me stuck? I need to come to terms because I felt like it was infringing upon my ability to be content.
[00:17:22.610] - Speaker 1
I'm also doing therapy. That's another thing that I've been doing. Through therapy and tea groups and journaling and spending time doing some check-ins, I have really chewed on this. Why was this keeping me stuck in the past? While I haven't come to any conclusion, I feel like I've done a lot of growth this past year. Realizing I lived in this fantasy world. So many people are like, It takes two to 10. It takes two for a relationship. Really digesting that and internalizing that because I still felt hurt and I still felt confused. It was doing all kinds of work on myself and seeing what's going on there, getting curious, which is something that I work with in my supermom detox. That's one of the things that we talk about, and with my counseling science even. We talk about getting curious about your emotions instead of just doing some emotional reasoning and being like, I feel bad, so I must be bad. It's like emotional reasoning. One of the other things is like, I don't have to change who I am to feel like I belong. Where am I trying to belong to? These are some of the lessons that I've learned from the challenges that I faced this past year that I'm deciding to take this into 2024 with me.
[00:18:50.120] - Speaker 1
I want you to think about your own significant experiences. Christina, you were a cross country runner. I actually got into running in my 30s and I enjoyed it. I haven't done it lately, but of course, it's a little cold here. Yes, wanted them to try volleyball, but they didn't want to, so I pulled back. Because if you force them to do that volleyball, it's going to be torture to you. While some things are hard, it's like, okay, what's the bigger picture here? Maybe there's another way to teach them that love sports rather than horse. I don't know. You know, parenting is like, they can be difficult at times. I always tell my kids, I don't know what the heck I'm doing because I really don't. I've never raised you before. Each kid is different and I'm different. I'm a different mom every single time, like my kids hit a certain season, which is a good thing, I think. Challenges are an inevitable part of our journey. We can extract these lessons from experiences, maybe blocking out time on your schedule to do some reflection, whether it's daily or even monthly. I like doing it just monthly.
[00:20:12.620] - Speaker 1
I don't know, I just don't make time to do it daily, but having everything written down helps me to look back. I do it. It's right in my planner, so I can look back and be like, Oh, yeah, this happened. This happened. And be able to say, What are my biggest lessons? What do I want to take from this month? Now we're doing it year-wise. What do I want to take from this year to move forward? Your experiences. I want you to look at your positive and your negative experience. Remember that we are who we are and where we are because of our experiences, both the bad and the good experiences. Don't just look at those positive experiences and don't just look at those bad experiences. We want to take them both and learn those lessons to move forward. It's important to learn from our mistakes, but it's also even more important to celebrate our successes. We need to do both. I guess I shouldn't say it's even more important. We need to do both. Be aware of the inner me girl and engage in some self-reflection. Yes, slowing down is absolutely necessary. If you're filling your days with doing all the things for everyone else, you're not going to have that time.
[00:21:28.420] - Speaker 1
You're not. Just like I just spent the hour and a past hour trying to do groceries, squeezing it in. It's not something that could just be squeezed in. You actually have to plan for it and be intentional. That's why in the group, I'm always like, What do you plan on doing this week? A lot of times, I love seeing your ideas for self-care and what you plan on doing. It is setting boundaries. It is saying no. It is making time for yourself, for self-reflection and to extract those lessons. It's not all about Medicare's and bubble baths and all of that. But I have been getting an Epson salt bath a few times these past few weeks, and love it, highly recommended. But self-care is so much more than that. It says everyday things like that we need to be doing to protect our time and our efforts and our energy. That might mean doing the hard work. It absolutely means doing hard work. Not might be, it does mean that. But giving yourself credit for the small successes, for the celebrations, for the challenges, giving yourself credit that you have overcome or that you're doing the work to overcome these challenges.
[00:22:40.050] - Speaker 1
We have this thing called confirmation bias where we tend to focus on just those things that confirm the beliefs that we hold. But when we're working to shift our beliefs, our beliefs, we need to take the time to notice those things that the evidence that supports our new beliefs, what we want to believe and what beliefs are going to serve us. That only happens when we actually take the time for self-reflection.