Questioning the Logic of Body Image

I had my second week of coaching this week and it only lasted half the time. I've been working my way through The Intuitive Eating Guide to Recovery and so I shared with Teri what I've been learning. 

This book makes sense, for real! It is exactly how I imagine that freedom from diets looks like, but more importantly what it will feel like. 

No calorie counting, no tracking, no pre-occupation with the nutritional level of foods. This is what I want. 

Every few months in my journal (not my food journal, but my "this is what's going on and what I need to work through" journal), I write out where I see my life going. I place myself ten years into the future and I write how old I'll be and how old my children will be. I then talk about how my life looks.

This is my vision, my dreams. My goals. This is where I see my future self. Someday I'll share it with you. But for now, I want you to know that it is freedom I desire. 

I sometimes feel that my desire to be thin or skinnier than I am now holds me in chains. 

I want to break free and I never really knew how to do that but I think that this book is showing me the way. I never doubted that it was possible, I just never knew the way.

Society's messages, the magazines I was exposed to growing up (Teen Vogue, Teen Beat, Bop, Cosmo, People)...these were feeding me what I came to believe I should be like. My body mostly.

It's not all society's fault, I suppose. They were reinforced by grandmother's comments, the approval I saw others who were thin get from people I love. My beliefs were formed from the experiences I was part of or those that I witnessed.

These beliefs don't serve me. I can do affirmations, I can challenge the beliefs, collect evidence that says otherwise, do all the things that work to change the beliefs. But it's more than that.

I need to get away from the idea that thin=good, not thin=not good. Which is why I've been reading more about the Health At Every Size movement. 

It's super interesting to me. I don't feel very healthy right now, because I know what I felt lie when I was thinner. When I wore a size 6 and was exercising 2, 3 times a day. I felt healthy. I felt strong.

How can I be healthy looking like I do now? This is an area I will be exploring more. I suppose I have to define health and what that means. 

I am actively on a journey to learn more about myself and the world around me. I participate in coaching, therapy, several groups with others on a similar journey, and all of this action has the same objective- to discover what makes me tick and how I can become a better version of myself.

Ultimately, how I can get to that future version of my life that I write about in my journal.